I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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