She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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