You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Randomize
