it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
