The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
