Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
