yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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