Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
