you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just want nice things and good sex
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize