You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
