I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize