and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
