I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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