Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
