dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you traded sex for a burrito?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
