My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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