my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
