Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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