after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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