you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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