I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
