i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
