just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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