youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
my poor anus
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
