So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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