Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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