I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My life is pants optional.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
