His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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