his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
