She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
