When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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