I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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