I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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