My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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