id be glad to
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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