Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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