i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize