don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
