Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
