Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
