She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize