Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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