I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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