also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
