oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Is Oprah even human
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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