they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
