well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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