You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
