His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
