I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
