After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
no, he came in my armpit
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
