i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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