Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
