I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
pray to the hookup gods
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
