so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
