So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
