that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
