I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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