Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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