I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
