yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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