i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
