grandma shit on top of the toilet
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
