I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
