I think my vagina is haunted
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
