i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
