forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize