covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
