well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
