at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Randomize
