I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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