I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
