I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Ketchup is God's man juice
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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