i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
